Apuleius, The Golden Ass Book X

[1] I did not know how my master the gardener fared the next day. But the gentle soldier, who was well beaten for his cowardice, led me to his lodging without the objection of any man. There he loaded me up (as it seemed to me) like a military animal. For on the one side I bore a helmet that shined exceedingly. On the other side a shield that glittered even more. And on the top of my burden he put a long spear. These things he arranged conspicuously, not because he was so experienced in war (for the gardener proved the contrary) but so that he might frighten those who passed by when they saw such warlike equipment. When we had gone a good part of our journey over the plain and easy fields, we happened to come to a little town where we lodged at a certain captain’s house. And there the soldier took me to one of the servants, while he himself went towards his captain who was in charge of a thousand men.

[2] After we had stayed there a few days, I learned of a wicked and mischievous deed committed there, which I have put in writing so that you may know it. The master of the house had a son, educated in good literature and endowed with virtuous manners, such as you would desire to have for a son. A long time earlier his mother had died, and when his father married a new wife and had another child, twelve years old. The stepmother was more excellent in beauty than honesty. She loved this young man, her son-in-law, either because she was unchaste by nature or because she was forced by fate to commit so great a mischief. Gentle reader, you do not read a fable here, but rather a tragedy. This woman, when her love was first kindled in her heart, could easily resist her desire and inordinate appetite because of fear that her intent should be known. But after it encompassed and burned every part of her breast, she was compelled to yield to the raging flame of Cupid and, under the pretense of the disease and infirmity of her body, she concealed the wound of her restless mind. Every man knows well the signs and tokens of love and its symptoms. Her countenance was pale, her eyes sorrowful, her knees weak, and there was no comfort for her but she continually wept and sobbed. You would have thought that she had some fever except that she wept immeasurably. The physicians could not diagnose her disease. They felt the beating of her veins, the intemperance of her heart, the sobbing sighs, and her tossing and turning. No, the cunning physician did not know what was going in, but a scholar of Venus might easily figure it out.

[3] After that she had been tormented in her affliction for a long time and was no longer able to conceal her ardent desire, she caused called for her son (the word son she would not use if it were not for shame). He did not disobey his mother but with a sad and modest countenance came into the chamber of his stepmother, the mother of his brother. But she, speaking not a word, was in great doubt as to what she might do, and she could not tell what to say first since she was ashamed. The young man, suspecting no ill, with humble courtesy asked the cause of her present disease. Then she, having found an occasion to utter her intent, with weeping eyes and covered face, began boldly to speak to him in this manner. “You, you, are the original cause of all my grief. You are my comfort and only health, for your handsome eyes are so fixed within my breast that, unless they succor me, I shall certainly die. Have pity therefore upon me and do not be the occasion of my destruction. Do not let be afraid that you might offend your father since you shall save the life of your mother. Moreover, since you resemble your father’s form in every point, it gives me all the more cause to fancy you. Now is offered to you time and place. Now you have the occasion to work your will, seeing that we are alone. And it is a common saying: ‘Never known, never done.’”

[4] This young man was troubled in by such an unexpected misfortune. Although he recoiled from committing so beastly a crime, yet he would not refuse her with a immediate denial, but warily pacified her mind with delay and promises. Wherefore he promised to do everything she desired. And in the meantime he wished his mother to be of good cheer and to comfort herself until he found some convenient time to come to her, when his father had gone out. By these means he got away from the pestilent sight of his stepmother. And knowing that this matter (which could involve the ruin of all the whole house) required the advice of wise and serious persons, he went immediately to a sage old man and declared the whole matter to him. The old man, after long deliberation, thought there was no better way to avoid the storm of cruel fortune to come than to run away. In the meantime the wicked woman, impatient of her love and the long delay of her son, urged her husband to ride abroad into far away lands. And then she asked the young man to fulfill his promises. But he, to get himself entirely out of her hands, always found excuses, until in the end she understood by the messengers that came in and out that he would not fulfill his promise. Then she, by as much she loved him before, by so much more she hated him now. And by and by she called one of her servants who was ready to engage in all kinds of mischief. To this servant she declared all her secrets. And there it was concluded between them that the best course was to kill the young man. Whereupon this wretch went immediately to buy poison, which he mingled with wine, in order to give it to the young man to drink and thereby kill him.

[5] But while they were in deliberation as to how they might offer the poison to him, behold, here happened a strange occurrence. For the young son of the woman, who came from home school at noon and, being very thirsty, took the pot containing the poison. Ignorant of the venom, he drank a good amount of the poison which had been prepared to kill his brother. Whereupon he presently fell down to the ground dead. His schoolmaster, seeing his sudden change, called his mother and all the servants of the house with a loud voice. Immediately every man declared his opinion regarding the death of the child. But the cruel woman, who was an extreme example of a stepmother’s malice, was not moved by the bitter death of her son, by her own conscience of the crime, by the misfortune of her house, or by the grief of her husband. Instead she devised the destruction of all her family. For by and by she sent a messenger after her husband to tell him the great misfortune that happened after his departure. And when he came home, the wicked woman declared that his son had poisoned his brother because he would not consent to his will, and told him other lies adding, in the end, that he had threatened to kill her because she had discovered the deed. Then the unhappy father was stricken with double grief for the death of his two children. For on the one hand he saw his younger son slain before his eyes, on the other, he seemed to see the elder condemned to die for his offence. Again, when he beheld his wife lamenting as she did, it gave him further occasion to hate his son all the more.

[6] But the funeral of his younger son was scarcely finished when the old father, with weeping eyes even while returning from the grave, went to the Justice and accused his son of the slaughter of his brother. He testified how his son had threatened to slay his wife, and so by weeping and lamentation he moved all the magistrates and people to pity. Thus, without any delay or further inquiry, they all cried that the son should be stoned to death. But the Justices, fearing further problems arising from mob vengeance, and so that there might happen no sedition among the people, asked the decurions and other officers of the city to proceed to examine witnesses. They wanted justice according to the ancient custom, and not to formulate any hasty sentence or judgment without having heard both sides. They did not want to act like barbarous and cruel tyrants were accustomed to do. Otherwise they would give a bad example to their successors.

[7] This opinion pleased everyone, and so the senators and counselors were called who, being placed in order according to their dignity, caused the accuser and defender to be brought forth. By the example of Athenian law, their advocates were commanded to plead their cases briefly, without preambles or attempts to arouse the people to pity. And if you demand how I learned of all this matter, you wall understand that I heard many tell it. But to recite what words the accuser used in his speech, what answer the defender made, the orations and pleadings of each party, verily I am not able to do. For I was bound fast to the manger. But what I learned and knew from others I will, God willing, declare to you. So it was ordered that, after the pleadings of both sides ended, the truth was to be found out through witnesses, and to set apart all presumptions and probabilities. They called in the servant who alone was reported to know all the matter. By and by the servant came in. He was in no way afraid of so great a judgment or of the presence of the judges or of his own guilty conscience, which he so finely dissembled. But with a bold countenance he presented himself before the justices and confirmed the accusation against the young man, saying, “O judges, one day this young man, loathing and hating his stepmother, called me and asked me to poison his brother so that he might take vengeance. If I would do this and keep the matter secret, he promised to give me a good reward for my trouble. But when the young man perceived that I would not do his will, he threatened to slay me. Thereupon he went himself and bought poison and, after he had tempered it with wine, gave it me to give to the child. When I refused, he offered it to his brother with his own hands.” When the wretched servant, with a trembling countenance, had ended his speech, which seemed like the truth, the trial was ended.

[8] No judge or counselor was found who was so merciful to the young man accused that he found him not guilty. But they ordered that he should be put and sewn in a sack with a dog, a cock, a snake, and an ape, according to the law of parricide. Wherefore they wanted nothing but (as the ancient custom was) to put white and black stones into a pot and to take them out again to see whether the young man should be acquitted by judgment or condemned. This verdict was irrevocable. In the meantime the young man was delivered to the hands of the executioner. But there arose a wise and ancient physician, a man of a good conscience and credit throughout all the city, who covered the mouth of the pot in which the stones were being cast, and said, “I am glad, reverend judges, that I am a man of good reputation amongst you, whereby I am accounted as one who will not suffer any person to be put to death by false and untrue accusations. Understand that there has been no homicide or murder committed by this young man in this case and that you (being sworn to judge uprightly) have been misinformed and abused by invented lies and tales. For I cannot but declare my conscience lest I should be found to bear small honor and faith for the gods. Wherefore I pray you, give ear and I will show you the whole truth of the matter.

[9] “You shall understand that this servant, who ought to be hanged, came one day to speak with me, promising to give me a hundred gold pieces if I would give him a powerful poison which would cause a man to die instantly. He said that he wanted it for someone who was sick with an incurable disease, so that he might be delivered from all torment. But, although I smelled his crafty and subtle intent and feared lest he should work some mischief with it, I nevertheless gave him a potion. But to so that I might free myself from all danger that might happen, I did not take the money he offered. But lest any of the coins lack weight or be found counterfeit, I told him to seal the purse in which they were placed with his signet ring. Thus the next day we might go together to the goldsmith to test them. This he did. Understanding that he had been brought before you this day, I hastily commanded one of my servants to fetch the purse which he had sealed and I have brought it here to you to see whether he will deny his own sign. And you may easily see that his words which he alleged against the young man, concerning the buying of the poison, are untrue. This proven by the fact that he bought the poison himself.”

[10] When the physician had spoken these words, you could perceive how the traitorous knave changed color, how he began to sweat for fear, how he trembled in every part of his body, and how he set one leg upon another, scratching his head and grinding his teeth. Thus there was no person who did not judge him culpable. In the end, when he was somewhat returned to his former subtlety, he began to deny all that was said and stoutly affirmed that the physician was lying. But the physician, perceiving that he was being railed at and that his words were being denied, never ceased affirming his statements and disproving the wretch. Finally the officers, by the command of the judges, bound the servant’s hands and brought out the seal with which he had sealed the purse. This increased the suspicion of him which was had already conceived. However, neither the fear of the wheel nor any other torment used by the Greeks (which were ready prepared), nor even the fire could force him to confess the matter. So obstinate and grounded was he in his mischievous mind.

[11] But the physician, perceiving that the menaces of these torments did not move him, said, “I cannot suffer or abide that this young man, who is innocent, should against all law and conscience be punished and condemned to die. Nor can I allow this other, who is culpable, to escape so easily after mocking and flouting your judgment. For I will give you an evident proof and argument of this present crime. You shall understand that when this wretch demanded of me a quick and strong poison, I considered that it was not my part to give occasion of any other’s death but rather to cure and save sick persons by means of medicines. On the other hand, I feared lest, if I should deny his request, I might minister a further cause for his mischief. I thought he would either would buy poison of some other or else return and work his wicked intent with a sword or some dangerous weapon. And so I gave him not poison, but a drink of Mandragora, which causes any man to sleep as though he were dead. Neither is it any marvel if this most desperate man, who is certainly assured to be put to death in a way ordained by an ancient custom, can suffer and abide these facile and easy torments. But if the child has received the drink as I tempered it with my own hands, he is yet alive and is only asleep, and after his sleep he shall return to life again. But if he is dead indeed, then may you further enquire of the causes of his death.”

[12] The opinion of this ancient physician was found good, and every man desired to go to the tomb where the child had been placed. All of the Justices, all those of any reputation of the town, and all of the common people went to see this strange sight. Amongst them all was the father of the child. He removed with his own hands the stone of the tomb and found his son rising up after his dead and soporiferous sleep. When he beheld the child, he embraced him in his arms and presented him before the people with great joy and consolation. He was brought before the judges wrapped and bound as he been in his grave. Whereupon the wickedness of the servant and the treason of the stepmother were plainly discovered, and the truth of the matter was revealed. Whereby the woman was perpetually exiled and the servant hanged on a gallows. The physician was given the gold coins which had been prepared to buy the poison. Behold how the fortune of the old man was changed who, thinking that he had been deprived of all his kin and posterity, was in one moment made the father of two children.

[13] But as for me, I was ruled and handled by fortune according to her pleasure. The soldier, who not paid a penny for me, was sent by the order of his captain to Rome to carry letters to the great emperor. Before he went, he sold me for eleven denars to two of his companions who were servants to a man of worship. Of these one was a baker who baked sweet bread and delicacies, and the other a cook who prepared fine and excellent foods for his master. These two lived in common and would drive me from place to place to carry such things as were necessary. I was received by these two as a third brother and companion, and so I thought I was never better situated than with them. For when night came, and supper was done, and their business had ended, they would bring many good morsels into their chamber for themselves. One would bring pigs, chickens, fish, and other good foods, the other fine bread, pastries, tarts, custards and other delicacies dipped in honey. And when they had shut their chamber door and had gone to the baths, o how I would fill my guts with these goodly dishes. Nor was I so much a fool or so much an ass that I would leave these dainty foods along and instead grind my teeth upon hard hay.

[14] In this way I continued for a great while. I played the honest ass, taking but a little of one dish, and a little of another, and so no man distrusted me. In the end, I became bolder and began to devour whole dishes of the sweet delicacies. This caused the baker and the cook to suspect. However, they did mistrust me, but searched about to find the thief. At length they began to accuse one another of theft, and to keep track of the dishes and morsels of food so that they could learn what had been taken away. Eventually one of them was compelled to speak to his fellow: “Is it right to break promise and faith in this way, by stealing away the best food and selling it to increase your means? And yet you still have your part of what is left? If our partnership is not to your liking, we will be partners and brothers in other things, but in this we will break off. For I perceive that the great loss which I sustain will at length be a cause of great discord between us.” The other answered him, “Verily I praise your great subtlety, in that (when you have secretly taken away the food) you begin to complain first, whereas I for a long time have put up with you. I did not think it right to accuse my brother of theft, but I am glad that we have occasion to talk about the matter lest, by our silence, some contention might arise between us, like that which happened between Eteocles and his brother.”

[15] When they had reasoned together in this way, they both swore earnestly that neither of them had stolen or taken away any portion of the food. Wherefore they decided to search out the thief by every possible means. For they could not imagine that the ass, who stood alone there, would eat any such foods. Neither did they think that mice or insects were so ravenous as to devour whole dishes of food like the Harpies, who carried away the meals of Phineus the king of Arcadia. In the meantime, while I fed on dainty morsels, I grew fat, my skin became soft, and my hair began to shine. But this fair and comely shape of my body was cause of my undoing. The baker and cook marveled to see me so sleek and fine considering that I did not eat any hay at all. Wherefore, one day at their accustomed hour they went to the baths and locked their chamber door. It happened that, before they departed, they saw through a hole how I fell roundly to my victuals. Then they marveled greatly and did not care about the loss of their food, but laughed exceedingly, calling the servants of the house to show them the greedy appetite of the ass.

[16] Their laughing was so immoderate that the master of the house heard them, and demanded the cause of their laughter. When he had heard the whole matter, he looked through the hole likewise, whereupon he was so delighted that he ordered that the door be opened so that he might see me at his pleasure. Then I, perceiving every man laugh, was not abashed, but rather more bold. Thus I did not stop eating until such time as the master of the house commanded me to be brought into his parlor as a novelty. There he caused all kinds of foods, which had never been touched, to be set on the table. These (although I had eaten sufficiently before, yet to win the further favor of the master of the house) I greedily devoured. And to prove my nature wholly, they gave me foods that every ass hates. They put before me beef and vinegar, birds and pepper, fish and sauce. In the meantime they who beheld me at the table did nothing but laugh. Then one of the servants of the house said to his master, “I pray you, sir, give him some drink for his supper.” The master answered, “Indeed, I think you’ve got it! For it may be that along with his food he would like to drink a cup of wine. Ho boy, wash yonder pot and fill it with wine! This done, carry it to the ass and say that I have drunk to him.” Then all the bystanders looked on to see what would come to pass. But I (as soon as I beheld the cup) did not delay long, but gathering my lips together lapped up all the wine at one draught.

[17] The master, being quite joyful at this, had the baker and cook (who had bought me) come before him. He paid them four times as much as they had paid for me. This done, he committed me to one of his rich freedmen and charged him to look after me well. He said that I should not lack anything. The freedman obeyed his master’s command in every detail. And to that he might creep further into his master’s favor, he taught me a thousand tricks. First he instructed me to sit at the table on my tail, and how to leap and dance holding up my front feet. Moreover he taught me how to answer when anyone spoke to me by nodding my head, which was a strange and marvelous thing. And if I wanted something to drink, I was to look upon the pot. All these things I did willingly, and I followed his instruction. However, I could have done all these things without his teaching but I feared greatly lest, in showing myself cunning without a master, I would appear to be some great and strange wonder, and thereby be thrown out to wild beasts. But my fame was spread about in everyplace about the tricks which I could do. Thus my master was renowned throughout all the country because of me. For every man would say, “Behold the gentleman who has an ass that will eat and drink with him, that will dance, and understand what is said to him, and will show his desires by signs.”

[18] But first I will tell you (as I should have done before) who my master was, and of what country. His name was Thiasus, he was from Corinth, the principal town of Achaia, and he had obtained many offices of honor until he had taken the rank of Quinquennial. As his birth and dignity required, he wanted to show his worthiness and to purchase the benevolence of every person, and so he sponsored public games and triumphs of three days length. To bring his endeavor to pass he came to Thessaly to buy excellent beasts and valiant fighters for the purpose. When he had bought such things as were necessary, he did not return home into his country on chariots or wagons, nor would he ride upon Thessalian horses, or donkeys of France, or Spanish mules, as excellent beasts as can be found. Instead he caused me to be garnished and trimmed with trappings of gold and with a noble harness, with purple coverings, with a bridle of silver, with pictured cloths, and with shrilling bells. In this manner he rode upon me lovingly, speaking and entreating me with gentle words. But above all things he greatly rejoiced in the fact that I was both his servant to carry him and his companion to feed with him at the table.

[19] After long time, when we had traveled both by sea and land and happened to arrive at Corinth, the people of the town came around us on every side. They did not so much honor Thiasus as they desired to see me. For my fame was so widely spread there that I gained my master much money, and when the people were desirous to see me play pranks, they caused the gates to be shut and required those who came to pay money. Because of this I was a profitable companion to them every day. There happened to be amongst the assembly a noble and rich matron who was much delighted to behold me. She could find no remedy for her passions and inordinate appetite, but continually desired to have her pleasure with me, as Pasiphae had with a bull. In the end she promised a great reward to my keeper for the custody of me for one night. He, for gain of a little money, accorded to her desire.

[20] After I had dined in a parlor with my master, we went into our chamber where we found the fair matron who had waited a long thime for our arrival. I am not able to recite to you how all things were prepared. There were four eunuchs, who were setting on a bed of down on the ground with bolsters for us to lie on. The coverlet was of cloth of gold, and the pillows on which the delicate matron was accustomed to lay her head were soft and fluffy. Then the eunuchs, not wanting to delay any longer the pleasure of their mistress, closed the doors of the chamber and departed. Within the chamber were lamps that gave a clear light the whole place over.

[21] Then she took off all her garments down to her naked skin and, taking the lamp that stood next to her, began to anoint all her body with balm, and mine likewise, but especially my nose. This done, she kissed me, not as they are accustomed to do in brothel houses or in the curtain schools for money, but purely, sincerely, and with great affection. While doing so she spoke these and like loving words: “You are the one I love, you are the only one I desire. Without you I cannot live.” She said these things and other similar preambles that women can use well enough when as they want to show or declare their burning passions and great affection of love. Then she took me by the halter and cast me down upon the bed. This was not objectionable to me since she was so beautiful a matron and since I was so filled with wine and perfumed with balm. Thus I was readily prepared for the purpose.

[22] But nothing grieved me so much as to think how I, with my huge and great legs, could embrace so fair a matron, or how I should touch her fine, dainty, and silken skin with my hard hooves, or how it was possible to kiss her soft, pretty and ruddy lips with my monstrous mouth and stony teeth, or how she, who was young and tender, would be able to receive me. And indeed I thought that, if I should hurt the woman in any way, I would be thrown to the wild beasts. But in the meantime she kissed me and looked in my mouth with burning eyes, saying. “I have you, my pigeon, my sparrow!” Thereupon she showed that my fears were empty and embraced my body round about. Then she had her pleasure aggressively with me. Indeed I thought that I could not satisfy her, and that the mother of Minotaur had not quenched her inordinate desire with the bull. When night was passed, with much joy and small sleep, the matron went before day to my keeper to bargain with him for another night.

[23] My keeper willingly granted this request, partly for gain of money, and partly to find a new pastime for my master. My master, after he had been fully briefed on my luxury, was very glad and rewarded my keeper well for his trouble, thinking he could show before all the people what I could do. But because they would not get the matron to perform such an act because of her dignity. And because they could find no other that would endeavor so great a reproach, at length they obtained for money a poor woman who had been condemned to be eaten by wild beasts. With this woman I was supposed to copulate in public. But first I will tell you the tale I heard concerning this woman. This woman had a husband whose father, wanting to ride forth, commanded his wife, whom he left at home great with child, that if she delivered a daughter, it should immediately be killed. When the time of her delivery came, it happened that she had a daughter whom she did not want to be slain because of the natural affection which she had for her child. She secretly committed the baby to one of her neighbors to nurse. And when her husband returned home, she declared to him that she had delivered a daughter whom (as he had commanded) she had caused to be put to death. But when this child came to age and was ready to be married, the mother was at a loss as to how she would dower her daughter and keep her husband from perceiving what was going on. Wherefore she disclosed the matter to her son who was the husband of the woman who had been condemned to be eaten by wild beasts. For she greatly feared lest he would unawares fancy or fall in love with his own sister. The young man, understanding the whole matter (to please and gratify his mother), went immediately to the young maiden, keeping the matter secret in his heart for fear of trouble. He, lamenting to see his sister forsaken by both mother and father, immediately dowered her with his own property and was going to marry her to one of his special and trusted friends.

[24] But although he brought this to pass very secretly and sagely, yet in the end cruel fortune sowed great sedition in his house. For his wife (the one now condemned to beasts) became jealous of her husband and began to suspect the young woman as a harlot. Her jealousy grew to a point that she devised all kinds of ways to dispatch her. And in the end she invented this kind of mischief. She secretly stole her husband’s ring and went into the country where she commanded one of her trusty servants to take the ring to the maiden. He was told to declare to her that her brother wanted her to come into the country to him, and that she should come alone. And so that she would not delay, but come with all speed, he was to give her the ring as sufficient testimony of the message. This maiden, as soon as she had received the ring of her brother, was very willing and desirous to obey his command. She know nothing other than that he had sent for her, and so she went in all haste as the messenger told her to do. But when she came to the snare that had been prepared for her, the mischievous woman became like to one who had gone mad and who had become possessed by some ill spirit. When the poor maiden called for help with a loud voice to her brother, the wicked harlot (thinking that she had invented the story) took a burning firebrand and thrust it into her secret place, whereby she died miserably.

[25] The husband of this maiden and her brother, advised of her death, came to the place where she was slain and, after great lamentation and weeping, they caused her to be buried honorably. Her brother, taking badly the miserable death of his sister (as well he should), conceived so great grief within his mind and was stricken with so pestilent fury of bitter anguish, that he fell into the burning heat of a dangerous fever. Thus he seemed in such a state that he needed to have some speedy remedy to save his life. The woman that slew the maiden, having lost the name of wife together with her faith, went to a treacherous physician who had killed a great many persons in his days, and promised him fifty pieces of gold if he would give her a strong poison to kill her husband. But in presence of her husband, she feigned that it was necessary for him to receive a certain kind of drink, which doctors call a sacred potion. She said it would purge the fever and clean out the interior parts of his body. But the physician, instead of that drink prepared a mortal and deadly poison and, when he had tempered it accordingly, he took the pot in the presence of the family and other neighbors and friends of the sick young man, and offered it to his patient.

[26] But the bold and hardy woman, in order to accomplish her wicked intent and also obtain the money which she had promised the physician, stayed the pot with her hand, saying, “I pray you master physician, do not give this drink to my dear husband until you have drunk some part of it yourself. For I do not know whether you have mingled any poison in the drink. You should not be offended. For I know that you are a man of wisdom and learning. But I ask you to do this because of the conscience and love that I bear for the health and safety of my husband. The physician, being greatly troubled by the wickedness of this mischievous woman, did not at all know what to do. But so that he might not give any cause for suspicion to the bystanders or show any scruple of his guilty conscience, he, after a long delay, took the pot in his hand and presently drank a good draught of it. This done, the young man trustingly drank up the rest. The physician would have gone immediately home to take the counter-poison in order to expel and drive out the first poison. But the wicked woman, persevering in her mischief, would not allow him to depart until the poison began to work on him. Then, by much prayer and intercession, she let him go home. On the way the poison invaded the entrails and bowels of the whole body of the physician, such that with great pain he came to his own house. There he had scarce time to speak to his wife and to tell her to receive the promised payment for the death of two persons. Then he yielded up the ghost.

[27] And the other young man lived not long after, but likewise died amongst the feigned and deceitful tears of his cursed wife. A few days later, when the young man was buried and the funeral had ended, the physician’s wife demanded of her the fifty pieces of gold which she promised her husband for the drink. At this the ill-disposed woman, with resemblance of honesty, answered her with gentle words and promised to give her the fifty pieces of gold, if she would fetch her a little of that same drink to proceed to make an end of her enterprise. The physician’s wife, partly to win the further favor of this rich woman and partly to gain the money, ran quickly home and brought her a whole root of poison. When she saw this, having now occasion to execute her further malice and to finish the damnable plot, she began to stretch out her bloody hands to murder.

[28] She had a daughter by her husband (the one who was poisoned) who, according to law, was appointed heir of all the lands and goods of her father. But this woman, knowing that the mothers who succored their children would receive all their goods after their death, purposed to show herself a like parent to her child, as she was a wife to her husband. Whereupon she prepared a dinner with her own hands and poisoned both the wife of the physician and her own daughter. The child, being young and tender, died swiftly through the force of the drink. But the physician’s wife, being stout and strong of complexion, feeling the poison enter into her body, became suspicious. Thereupon, knowing for certain that she had was near death, she ran forthwith to the judges’ house. By means of her cries and exclamations, she raised up the people of the town. She, promising to show then diverse wicked and mischievous acts, caused the doors and gates to be opened. When she came in she declared from the beginning to the end the abomination of this woman. She had scarcely ended her tale when, opening her falling lips and grinding her teeth together, she fell down dead before the face of the judge. He, wanting to try the truth of the matter immediately, ordered that the cursed woman and her servants be pulled out of the house and forced, by pain of torment, to confess the deed. When this was known, the wicked woman, although it was far less then she deserved, but because there could be no more cruel a death invented for the quality of her offence, was condemned to be eaten with wild beasts.

[29] Behold, with this woman I was appointed to copulate before the face of the people. But I, being wrapped in great anguish and dreading the day of the spectacle (when we two should so abandon ourselves together), devised rather to slay myself than to pollute my body with this mischievous harlot and so forever be defamed. But it was impossible for me to do so since I lacked hands and was not able to hold a knife in my hooves. However, standing in a pretty cabin, I rejoiced to see that spring time had come and that all things were flourishing. I was in good hope to find some roses and return myself to human shape. When the day of spectacle came, I was led with great pomp and benevolence to the appointed place. When I was brought there, I first saw the preamble of the games, dedicated with dancers and merry taunting jests. In the meantime I was placed before the gate of the theater where on the one side I saw green and fresh grass growing. Seeing this I greatly desired to feed. On the other side I very much delighted to see, when the theater gates were opened, how all things were finely prepared and set forth. For there I saw young children and maidens in the flower of their youth and attired gorgeously, dancing and moving in comely order, according to Greek custom. For sometimes they would dance in a line, sometimes round together, and sometimes they would divide themselves into four parts. But when the trumpet gave warning that every man should retire sit down, then the spectacle began in earnest.

[30] First there was a hill of wood, not much unlike that which the poet Homer called Ida, for it was garnished about with all sorts of green verdures and lively trees. From its top ran down a clear and fresh fountain, nourishing the waters below. Around the wood were many young and tender goats plucking and feeding daintily on the budding trees. Then came a young man, a shepherd, representing Paris, richly arrayed in barbarian vestments. He had a miter of gold upon his head and he seemed as though he kept the goats. After him came another young man all naked except that his left shoulder was covered with a rich cloak. His head was shining with glistening hair that hung down, and through it you could perceive two little wings. Because of this you could conjecture that he was Mercury, with his rod called caduceus. He bore in his right hand an apple of gold, and with noble gait he went towards the one who was playing Paris. After he had given him the apple, he made a sign, signifying what Jupiter had commanded him to do. When he had given his message he departed away. And by and by, there approached a fair and comely maiden, not much unlike to Juno, for she had a diadem of gold upon her head, and in her hand she bore a regal scepter. Then followed another maiden resembling Pallas, for she had on her head a shining helmet on which was bound a garland of olive branches. She had in one hand a shield, and in the other a spear as though she would fight.

[31] Then came another maiden who surpassed the others in beauty. She represented the goddess Venus with the color of ambrosia, thus as a young maiden. And so that she could show her perfect beauty, she appeared all naked, except that her fine and dainty skin was covered with a thin smock which the wind blew hither and thither to testify the youth and flower of the age of the girl. Her color was of two sorts, for her body was white as descended from heaven, and her smock was blue, as though it had come from the sea. After every one of the virgins (who represented goddesses) there followed certain waiting servants: Castor and Pollux went behind Juno who had on their heads helmets covered with stars. This Virgin Juno sounded a flute which she bore in her hand, and moved herself towards the shepherd Paris. She promised him that he would be lord of all Asia, if he would judge her the fairest of the three, and give her the apple of gold. The next maiden (who seemed by her armor to be Pallas) was accompanied by two young men armed and brandishing their naked swords in their hands; one was named Terror, and the other Fear. Behind them approached a man sounding his trumpet to provoke and stir men to battle. This maiden began to dance and shake her head, throwing her fierce and terrible eyes upon Paris and promising that if it pleased him to give her the victory of beauty, she would make him the most strong and victorious man alive.

[32] Then came Venus who presented herself in the middle of the theater with much favor of all the people. For she was accompanied by a great many of youth whom you would have judged to be Cupids. These seemed either to have flown from heaven or else from the river of the sea, for they had wings, arrows, and the rest of their costume was appropriate in every way. And they bore in their hands lighted torches, as though it had been a day of marriage. Then came in a great multitude of fair maidens. On the one side were the most comely Graces, on the other side, the most beautiful Hours carrying garlands and loose flowers, and giving great honor to the goddess of pleasure. The flutes and pipes gave forth the sweet sound of the Lydian mode, whereby they pleased the minds of the bystanders exceedingly. But Venus, ever more pleasing to see, moved forward more and more and, shaking her head, answered by her motion and gesture to the sound of the instruments. For sometimes she would wink gently, sometimes she would stare threateningly, and sometimes she would dance only with her eyes. As soon as she had come before the judge, she promised to give him the fairest spouse of all the world, if he would prefer her above the rest of the goddesses. Then the young Phrygian shepherd Paris, with a willing mind, delivered the golden apple to Venus, which was the victory of beauty.

[33] Why do you marvel, O Orators, Lawyers, and Advocates, if many of our judges nowadays sell their judgments for money? Why do you marvel when, in the beginning of the world, one Grace alone corrupted the sentence between God and men, and one rustical judge and shepherd, appointed by the counsel of great Jupiter, sold his judgment for a little pleasure, which afterward caused the ruin of his whole family? In like manner was sentence given between the noble Greeks. For the noble and valiant personage Palamedes was convicted for treason by false persuasion and accusation. And Ulysses, being of base condition, was preferred in military prowess over great Ajax. What judgment was there likewise amongst the Athenian lawyers who were wise and expert in all sciences? Was not Socrates preferred by Apollo above all the wise men in the world? Yet was he not, because of the envy and malice of wicked persons, executed by poison? Was he not charged with corrupting the youth of the country, whom he had always in fact kept under control? For we see nowadays that many excellent philosophers greatly desire to follow his sect, and by perpetual study value and study his works. But so that I may not be reproved for indignation by someone who might say, “What, shall we suffer an ass to play the Philosopher?” I will returne to my further purpose.

[34] After the judgment of Paris ended, Juno and Pallas departed angrily, showing by their gesture that they would revenge themselves on Paris. But Venus, who was very pleased and glad in her heart, danced about the theater with much joy. This done, from the top of the hill (through a concealed spout) ran a fluid of the color of saffron. This fluid fell upon the goats and changed their white hair into yellow, and brought a sweet odor to all in the Theater. By and by certain engines caused the ground to open and the hill of wood to be swallowed up. And then behold, there came a man of arms through the multitude, demanding by the consent of the people the woman who had been condemned to the beasts and had been appointed to copulate with me. Our bed was finely prepared and covered with silk and other things necessary.

[35] But I, on top of the shame of committing this horrible fact and of polluting my body with this wicked harlot, greatly feared the danger of death. For I thought to myself that, when she and I were together, the savage beast appointed to devour the woman would not distinguish between me and her. I considered that he would not temper his greediness such that he would tear her to pieces but spare me, knowing that I was innocent. Wherefore I was more concerned about safeguarding my life than I was about the shame. But in the meantime, while my master made ready the bed, the crowd was greatly delighted to see the hunting and other pleasing aspects of the games. Then I began to think and devise on my own behalf. When I perceived that no one was paying any attention to me (since I was such a tame and gentle ass), I stole out of the gate that was next me and I ran away as quickly as I could. I came to Cenchreae which is the most famous town of the Corinthians, bordering upon the Agean Sea and Saronic Gulf. Here there is a great and mighty harbor frequented by many different nations. There, because I wanted to avoid the multitude of the people, I went to a hidden place on the seacoast. There I laid myself down upon the sand to ease and refresh myself. The day was past and the sun had gone down, and so, lying on the ground in this way, I fell sound asleep.