Apuleius, The Golden Ass Book II

[1] As soon as night was passed and the day began to dawn, I happened to awake, and rose out of my bed half amazed and very desirous to know and see some marvelous and strange things, remembering that I was in the middle part of all Thessaly, where by the common report of all the world the sorceries and enchantments are most used. I often repeated with myself the tale of my companion Aristomenes regarding this city and, being moved by great desire, I viewed the whole situation in this light. Neither was there anything I saw there that I did believe to be what it appeared, but everything seemed to me to be transformed and altered into other shapes by the wicked power of sorcery and enchantment: I thought the stones I found had been turned from men into that figure. I thought the birds I heard chirping, and the trees outside the walls of the city, and the running waters, were changed from men into such kind of likenesses. And further I thought the statues, images, and walls could move, and the oxen and other brute beasts could speak and tell strange news, and that immediately I could see and hear oracles from the heavens, and from the glowing ember of the sun.

[2] Thus, being astonished or rather dismayed and vexed with desire, knowing no certain place where I intended to go, I went from street to street and at length (as I curiously gazed on everything) I happened unawares to come into the market place where I saw a certain woman accompanied with a great many servants. I drew near her and viewed her garments adorned with gold and precious stones in such a way that she seemed to be some noble matron. And there was an old man who followed her who, as soon as he saw me, said to himself, “Verily this is Lucius,” and then he came and embraced me, and by and by he went to his mistress and whispered in her ear, and came to me again saying, “How is it, Lucius, that you do not greet your dear aunt and singular friend?” To him I answered, “Sir, I dare not be so bold as to take acquaintance of an unknown woman.” However, half ashamed I drew towards her, and she turned and said, “Behold, how he resembles the very same grace as his mother Salvia does, behold his countenance and stature, looking like her in each point, behold his comely state, his fine slenderness, his ruddy color, his hair yellow by nature, his gray and quick eyes like to the eagle, and his trim and comely gait. All this sufficiently proves him to be the natural child of Salvia.” And moreover she said,

[3] “O Lucius, I have nourished you with my own hand: and why not? For I am not only kindred to your mother by blood but also by nourish, for we both descended of the line of Plutarch, lay in one womb, suckled the same breasts, and were brought up together in one house. And further, there is no other difference between us two except that she is married more honorably than I. I am the same Byrrhena whom you have often heard named amongst your friends at home. Wherefore I pray you to take such pains as to come with me to my house, and use it as your own.” At whose words I was partly abashed and said, “God forbid, aunt, that I should forsake my host Milo without any reasonable cause. But verily I will, as often as I have occasion to pass by your house, come and see you.” And while we went talking thus together, by little and little we came to her house.

[4] Behold, the gates were very beautifully set with pillars quadrangle-wise, on the top were placed carved statues and images. But principally the goddess of Victory was so lively and with such excellence portrayed and set forth that you would verily have thought that she had flew, and hovered with her wings hither and thither. On the other side the image of the goddess Diana was wrought in white marble, a marvelous sight to see, for she seemed as though the wind blew up her garments, and that she encountered those who came into the house. On each side of her were dogs made of stone that seemed to menace with their fiery eyes, their pricked ears, their bended nostrils, and their grinning teeth, such that you would have thought they bayed and barked. And moreover (a greater marvel to behold) the excellent sculptor of this work had fashioned the dogs to raise up fiercely their front feet, and to keep their hind feet on the ground ready to fight. Behind the back of the goddess was carved a stone in manner of a cavern, environed with moss, herbs, leaves, sprigs, green branches and boughs, growing in and about her. Within the stone it glittered and shone marvelously, under the brim of the stone hung apples and grapes carved finely; herein Art, striving with Nature, showed her great cunning. For they were so lively set out that you would have thought that summer had been come, that they might have been pulled and eaten. And while I beheld the running water, which seemed to spring and leap under the feet of the goddess, I marked the grapes that hung in the water, which were like in every point to the grapes of the vine, and seemed to move and stir by the violence of the stream. Moreover, amongst the branches of the stone appeared the image of Actaeon, and how Diana (who was carved within the same stone, standing in the water) because he saw her naked, turned him into an deer, and so he was torn and slain by his own hounds.

[5] And while I was greatly delighted with viewing these things, Byrrhena spoke to me and said, “Nephew, all things here are at your command.” And thereupon she willed secretly the others to depart. When they were gone she said, “My most dear nephew Lucius, I swear by this goddess Diana, that I do greatly care for your safety, and am as careful for you as if you were my own natural child. Beware, I say, beware of the evil arts and wicked allurements of Pamphile (who is the wife of Milo whom you call your host), for she is accounted the most chief and principal witch and enchantress living, who by breathing out certain words and charms over boughs, stones, and other frivolous things, can throw down all the powers of the heavens in to the deep bottom of hell, and reduce all the whole world again to the old chaos. For as soon as she sees any comely young man, she is immediately stricken with desire, and presently sets her whole mind and affection on him. She sows her seeds of flattery, she invades his spirit and entangles him with continual snares of immeasurable love. And then if any do not accord to her filthy desire, or if they seem loathsome to her eye, by and by in the space of an hour she turns them into stones, sheep, or some other beast, as her self pleases. And some she quickly slays and murders. Of her I would that you should earnestly beware. For she burns continually, and you by reason of your tender age and comely beauty are susceptible to her fire and love.” Thus with great care Byrrhena gave me warning.

[6] But I (who always coveted and desired, after I had heard talk of such sorceries and witchcrafts, to be experienced in them) little esteemed to be wary of Pamphile, but willingly determined to bestow my money in learning the art, and now wholly to become a witch. And so I grew joyful and, wringing myself out of my aunt’s company as out of links or chains, I bade her farewell, and departed toward the house of my host Milo, on the way reasoning thus with myself: “O Lucius, now take heed, be vigilant, have a good care, for now you have time and place to satisfy your desire. Now shake off your childishness and show your self a man, but especially temper yourself against the desire of your hostess, and abstain from violation of the bed of Milo. But eagerly attempt to win the maiden Fotis, for she is beautiful, wanton, and pleasant in talk. And soon, when you go to sleep and when she brings you gently into your chamber and tenderly lays you down in your bed and lovingly covers you and kisses you sweetly and departs unwillingly and casts her eyes oftentimes back and stands still, then take the opportunity ministered to you to prove and try the mind of Fotis.”

[7] Thus while I reasoned with myself, I came to Milo’s door, persevering still in my purpose, but I found neither Milo nor his wife at home. When I went in the house I found my dear and sweet love Fotis mincing meat and making pottage for her master and mistress. The cupboard was all set with wines, and I thought I smelled the savor of some dainty meats. She had about her middle a white and clean apron, and she was girded about her body under the breasts with a scarf of red silk, and she stirred the pot and turned the meat with her fair and white hands, such that, by her stirring and turning, her loins and hips did likewise move and shake, which was in my mind a comely sight to see. When I saw these things I was half amazed, and stood musing with myself, and my courage came then upon me, which before was scant. And I spoke to Fotis merrily and said, “O Fotis how alluringly you can stir the pot, and how finely, by shaking your buttocks, you can make pottage. O happy and twice happy is he to whom you give leave and license but to touch you there.” Then she, being likewise merrily disposed, made answer: “Depart, wretch, from me, depart from my fire, for if its flame blazes forth even a little it will burn you extremely, and none can extinguish its heat but I alone, who in stirring the pot and making the bed can so finely shake myself.”

[8] When she had said these words she cast her eyes upon me and laughed, but I did not depart from there until such time as I had viewed her in every point. But why should I speak about her other parts, when I am accustomed abroad to mark and view the face and hair of every dame, and afterwards to delight myself with it privately at home, and thereby to judge the rest of their appearance. This is because the face is the principal part of all the body, and is first open to our eyes. And as much as flourishing and gorgeous apparel accentuates the corporal parts of a woman, so also does the natural and comely beauty set out in the face. Moreover, most women, in order to show their grace and feature, will cast off their kerchiefs, collars, clothing, fronts, cornets and purses, and cause more delight in showing the fairness of their skin, than in decking themselves out in gold and precious stones. But because it is a crime for me to say so (and I hope never to give an example of this), know that if you spoil and cut off the hair of any woman, or deprive her of the color of her face, even if she was accompanied with the Graces, even if she wore the beautiful belt of Love, and even if she smelled of perfumes and musks, yet if she appeared bald, she could in no way be pleasing, not even her own Vulcan.

[9] O how well does a fair color and a shining face agree with glittering hair! Behold, it encounters the beams of the sun, and pleases the eye marvelously. Sometimes the beauty of the hair resembles the color of gold and honey, sometimes the blue plumes and azure feathers on the necks of doves, especially when it is either anointed with the gum of Arabia or trimly fixed with the teeth of a fine comb. If it is bound up on the neck, it seems to the lover who beholds this like a mirror that yields forth a more pleasant and gracious reflection. What is more pleasant than if the hair should be sprinkled abroad on the shoulders of the woman, or hang down scattering on her back? Finally there is such a dignity in the hair that, whoever she is, though she is not so bravely attired with gold, silks, precious stones, and other rich and gorgeous ornaments, yet if her hair is not curiously set forth she cannot seem fair. But in my Fotis, her loosened and unfastened garments increased her beauty, her hair hung about her shoulders, and was dispersed upon her kerchief, and in every part of her neck, although the greater part was trussed upon her head with a lace.

[10] Then I, unable to sustain the broiling heat that I was in, ran upon her and kissed the place where she had thus laid her hair. At this she turned her face and cast her rolling eyes upon me, saying “O scholar, you have tasted now both honey and gall, take heed that your pleasure does not turn into repentance.” “Bah,” I said, “my sweetheart, I will be content, for another such kiss, to be broiled here upon this fire.” Whereupon I embraced and kissed her more often, and she embraced and kissed me likewise, and moreover her breath smelled like cinnamon, and the liquor of her tongue was like to sweet nectar. When my mind was greatly delighted I said, “Behold Fotis I am yours, and shall presently die unless you take pity upon me.” When I had said this, she again kissed me, and bid me be of good courage, and said, “I will satisfy your whole desire, and it shall not be delayed later than tonight when, assure yourself, I will come and lie with you. Wherefore go your ways and prepare yourself, for I intend valiantly and courageously to encounter you this night.”

[11] Thus when we had lovingly talked and reasoned together, we parted for that time. When noon came, Byrrhena sent me a fat pig, five hens, and a flagon of old wine. Then I called Fotis and said, “Behold how Bacchus, the stirrer of lovemaking, offers himself of his own accord, let us therefore drink up this wine, so that we may prepare ourselves and get courage soon, for Venus wants no other provision than this: that the lamp may be all night replenished with oil, and the cups with wine.” The rest of the day I passed away at the baths and in banqueting, and towards evening I went to supper, for I was bid by Milo, and so I sat down at the table, out of Pamphile’s sight as much as I could, being mindful of the command of Byrrhena. Sometimes I would cast my eyes upon her as upon the furies of hell, but again turning my face behind me, and beholding my Fotis ministering at the table, I was again refreshed and made merry. And behold when Pamphile saw the candle standing on the table, she said, “Verily we shall have much rain tomorrow.” When her husband heard this, he demanded of her by what reason she knew it. “Indeed,” said she, “the light on the table shows it.” The Milo laughed and said, “Verily we nourish here a Sibyl prophesier, who by viewing a candle divines celestial things, concerning the sun itself.”

[12] Then I mused in my mind and said to Milo, “Truly there is good experience and proof of divination. Neither is it any marvel, for although this light is but a small light and made by the hands of men, yet has it a remembrance of that great and heavenly light, as of its parent, and shows to us what will happen in the skies above. For I knew at Corinth a certain man of Assyria, who would give prophecies in every part of the city, and for the gain of money he would tell every man his fortune. To some he would tell the days of their marriages, to others he would tell when they should build so that their edifices would endure. To others he told when they should go by sea or land. To me, intending to take my journey here, he declared many things strange and variable. For sometimes he said that I would win glory enough, sometimes he said that I should devise an incredible tale, and sometimes that I would write books.”

[13] At this Milo laughed again and enquired of me of what stature this man of Assyria was, and what he was named. “In truth,” I said, “he is a tall man and somewhat black, and he is called Diophanes.” Then Milo said, “His is the same and no other, who in like manner declared many things here to us, whereby he obtained great substance and treasure. But the poor wretch fell at length into the hands of pitiless and cruel fortune. For being one day amongst a great assembly of people to tell the simple sort their fortune, a certain cobbler came to him, and desired him to tell when it would be best for him to take his voyage. This he promised to do. The cobbler opened his purse and took out a hundred denarii to pay him for his pains. Whereupon came a certain young gentleman and took Diophanes by the garment. Then he, turning himself, embraced and kissed him, and asked the gentleman, who was one of his acquaintances, to sit down by him. Diophanes, being astonished with this sudden change, forgot what he was doing, and said, ‘O dear friend you are heartily welcome, I pray you, when did you arrive in these parts?’ Then he answered, ‘I will tell you soon but, brother, I pray you tell me of your coming from the island of Euboea, and how you sped by the way?’

[14] To this Diophanes, this notable Assyrian (not yet come to his mind, but half amazed), soon answered and said, ‘I would to God that all our enemies and evil wishers might fall into similarly dangerous peregrination and trouble. For the ship we were in, after it was tossed hither and thither in great peril, and after the mast and stern broke likewise in pieces, could in no way be brought to shore, but sunk into the water. And so we swam and hardly escaped to land. And after that, whatever was given to us in recompense of our losses, either by the pity of strangers, or by the benevolence of our friends, was taken away from us by thieves. When my brother Arignotus tried to resist their violence, he was cruelly murdered by them before my face.’ When had sadly declared these things, the cobbler took up his money that he had taken out to pay for the telling of his fortune, and ran away. Then Diophanes, coming to his senses, perceived what he had done, and all of us who stood by laughed greatly. But that,” said Milo, “which Diophanes did tell to you Lucius, that you should be happy and have a prosperous journey, was only true.”

[15] Thus Milo reasoned with me. But I was not a little sorry that I had guided him into such a vein of talk, with the result that I lost a good part of the night and its sweet pleasure. But at length I boldly said to Milo, “Let Diophanes fare well with his evil fortune, and gain again what he lost by sea and land. I truly still feel the weariness of my travel, and therefore I pray you pardon me, and give me license to depart to bed.” Whereupon I rose up and went to my chamber, where I found all things finely prepared, and the slaves’ bed (so they would not hear what we did in the night) was removed far off outside the chamber door. The table was all covered with food that was left from supper, and the cups were filled half full with water, so as to temper and delay the wine. The flagon stood ready prepared, and there lacked nothing that was necessary for the preparation of lovemaking.

[16] And I, when was getting into bed, beheld my Fotis (who had brought her mistress to bed) came in and gave me roses and flowers that she had in her apron. Some she threw about the bed; she kissed me sweetly and tied a garland about my head, and decked the chamber with the rest of the flowers. When she had done this, she took a cup of wine and diluted it with hot water and proffered it to me to drink. Before I had drunk it all she pulled it from my mouth, and then gave it me again, and in this manner we emptied the pot twice or thrice together. Thus, when I had well replenished myself with wine and was now ready to love not only in mind but also in body, I removed my clothes, and showing to Fotis my great impatience I said, “O my sweetheart, take pity upon me and help me, for as you see I am now prepared for the battle which you your self appointed. For after I felt the first arrow of cruel Cupid within my breast, I bent my bow very tight and now fear (because it bent so hard) that my string may break. But so that you may better please me, undress your hair and come and embrace me lovingly.”

[17] Whereupon she made no long delay, but set aside all the food and wine, and then undressed herself and unbound her hair, presenting her amiable body to me in manner of fair Venus, when she goes under the waves of the sea. “Now,” said she, “has come the hour of jousting, now has come the time of war. Wherefore show yourself like a man, for I will not retreat, I will not flee from the field. See then that you are valiant, see that you are courageous, since there is no time appointed when our skirmish shall cease.” In saying these words she came to me in bed, and climbed gently on top of me. Bouncing up and down continually and shaking her agile body in lascivious movements, she satisfied me with acrobatic lovemaking. And so we passed all the night in pastime and pleasure, and never stopped until it was day. But we would again refresh our weariness, and provoke our pleasure, and renew our lovemaking by drinking wine. In this way we pleasantly passed away many other nights following.

[18] It happened one day that Byrrhena desired me earnestly to dine with her; and she would in no way take any excuse. Whereupon I went to Fotis to ask counsel of her as of some goddess. Although she was unwilling that I should depart one foot from her company, yet at length she gave me license to be absent for a while, saying, “Beware that you tarry not long at supper there, for there is a rabble of common youths and disturbers of the public peace who rove about in the streets and murder all those they encounter. Neither can law nor justice redress them in any case. And they will the sooner set upon you, both because of your comeliness and audacity and because you are not afraid at any time to walk in the streets.” Then I answered and said, “Have no care for me Fotis, for I esteem the pleasure that I have with you above the dainty foods that I eat abroad, and therefore I will return again quickly. Nevertheless I will not go without company, for I have here my sword, whereby I hope to defend my self.”

[19] And so in this way I went to supper, and behold, I found at Byrrhena's house a great company of strangers, consisting of the chief and principal men of the city. The couches, made of citron and ivory, were richly adorned and spread with cloths of gold. The cups were garnished preciously, and there were diverse other things of sundry fashion, but of like cost and price. Here stood a glass gorgeously wrought, there stood another of crystal finely painted. There stood a cup of glittering silver, and here stood another of shining gold, and here was another of amber artificially carved and adorned with precious stones. Finally, there were all things that might be desired. The servants waited orderly at the table in rich apparel; the pages, arrayed in silk robes, filled great gems and pearls made in form of cups with excellent wine. Then one brought in candles and torches, and when we were set down and placed in order we began to talk, to laugh, and to be merry. And Byrrhena spoke to me and said, “I pray you, nephew, how do you like our country? Verily I think there is no other city that has the comparable temples, baths, and other commodities as we have here. Further we have abundance of household stuff, we have pleasure, we have ease, and when the Roman merchants arrive in this city they are gently and quietly entertained, and all that dwell within this province (when they purpose to solace and repose themselves) do come to this city.”

[20] Whereupon I answered, “Indeed you tell truth, for I can find no place in all the world which I like better than this. But I greatly fear the blind inevitable houses of witches, for they say that dead bodies are dug out of their graves, and the bones of those who are cremated are stolen away, and the toes and fingers of those who are slain are cut off. I hear also that they afflict and torment even those who live. And the old witches, as soon as they hear of the death of any person, immediately go and uncover the tomb and spoil the corpse to work their enchantments.” Then another sitting at the table spoke and said, “Indeed you spead truly, neither yet do they spare or favor the living. For I know one not far hence who was cruelly handled by them. They, being not content with cutting off his nose, did likewise cut off his ears.” At this all the people laughed heartily, and looked upon one who sat at the board’s end. He, being amazed at their gazing and somewhat angry with it, would have risen from the table, had not Byrrhena spoke to him and said, “I pray the friend Thelyphron, sit still, and according to your accustomed courtesy declare to us the loss of your nose and ears, so that my nephew Lucius may be delighted with the pleasantness of the tale.” To her he answered, “Madam, you in the office of your bounty shall prevail here, but the insolence of some is not to be supported.” This he said very angrily. But Byrrhena was earnest with him, and assured him he would have no wrong at any man’s hand.

[21] Whereby he was prevailed upon to declare his story, and so, piling up on the end of the table cloth and carpets together, he leaned on them with his elbow and held out the three forefingers of his right hand in manner of an orator and said, “When I was a young man I went to a certain city called Miletus, to see the games and triumphs there named Olympia. And being desirous to come into this famous province, after I had traveled over all Thessaly, I happened in an evil hour to come to the city Larissa where, while I went up and down to view the streets to seek some relief for my poor condition (for I had spent all my money), I saw a tall old man standing upon a stone in the midst of the market place, crying with a loud voice and saying that if any man would watch a dead corpse that night he would be reasonably rewarded for his pains. When I heard this, I said to one who passed by, ‘What is there to do here? Are dead men accustomed to run away in this country?’ Then he answered, ‘Hold your peace, for you are but a babe and a stranger here, and not without cause are you ignorant of how things are in Thessaly. Here the women witches bite off by morsels the flesh of the faces of dead men, and thereby work their sorceries and enchantments.’

[22] “Then I said, ‘In good fellowship tell me the order of this custody and how it is.’ ‘Indeed,’ he said, ‘first you must watch all the night, with your eyes bent continually upon the corpse, never looking off, nor moving aside. For these witches turn themselves into all kinds of beasts, and so deceive the eyes of all men. Sometimes they are transformed into birds, sometimes into dogs and mice, and sometimes into flies. Moreover, they will charm the keepers of the corpse asleep. Neither can it be declared what means and shifts these wicked women use to bring their purpose to pass. And the reward for such dangerous watching is no more than four or six gold coins. But hearken further (this is something I had nearly forgotten): if the keeper of the dead body does not the following morning produce the corpse as whole and sound as he received it, he shall be punished in this sort: if the corpse is diminished or spoiled in any part of his face, hands or toes, the keeper shall also be so diminished and spoiled.’

[23] “When I heard this, I took a good heart and went to the crier and bid him cease, for I would take the matter in hand, and so I demanded what I would have. ‘Indeed,’ said he, ‘a thousand sesterces. But beware I say, young man, that you guard well the dead corpse from the wicked witches, for he was the son of one of the chiefs of the city.’ ‘Bah,’ I said, ‘you speak what you cannot tell: behold, I am a man made all of iron, and never desire to sleep and am more quick of sight than Lyncaeus or Argus.’ I had scarce spoken these words, when he took me by the hand and brought me to a certain house. The gate was closed fast, so that I went through the wicket, then he brought me into a chamber somewhat dark, and showed me a matron clothed in mourning vesture, and weeping in lamentably. And he spoke to her and said, ‘Behold here is one that will attempt to watch the corpse of your husband this night.’ When she heard this, she turned her sorrowful face covered with hair in my direction and said, ‘I pray you, young man, take good heed, and see well to your duty.’ ‘Have no care,’ I said , ‘that you give me anything above that which is due to be given.’

[24] “Whereupon she was contented and then she arose and brought me into a chamber where the corpse lay covered with white sheets, and she called seven witnesses, before whom she showed the dead body, and every part and parcel of it, and with weeping eyes desired them all to testify the matter. This done, she said these words: ‘Behold, his nose is whole, his eyes safe, his ears without scar, his lips untouched, and his chin sound.’ All of this was written and noted on tablets, and signed by the hands of witnesses to confirm the same. This done I said to the matron, ‘Madam I pray you that I may have all things here necessary.’ ‘What is that?’ she asked. ‘Indeed, said I, ‘a great lamp with oil, pots of wine, and water to dilute the same, and some other drink and dainty dish leftover from supper.’ Then she shook her head and said, ‘Away, fool that you are! Do you think to play the glutton here, and look for dainty foods, where for so long a time there has not been seen smoke at all? Do you come here to eat, where we should weep and lament?’ And therewith she turned back, and commanded her maiden Myrrhena to deliver me a lamp with oil. When she had done this, they closed the chamber door and departed.

[25] “Now when I was alone, I rubbed my eyes, and armed my self to keep the corpse, and so that I would not sleep I began to sing, and so I passed the time till it was midnight, when behold, there crept a weasel into the chamber, and it came against me and put me in very great fear, in that I marveled greatly at the audacity of so little a beast. To it I said, ‘Get yourself hence you whore and take yourself to your fellows, lest you feel my fingers. Why will you not go?’ Then immediately it ran away, and when it was gone, I fell on the ground so fast asleep, such that Apollo himself could not discern which of us two was the dead corpse, for I lay prostrate as one without life, and needed a keeper likewise.

[26] “At length the cocks began to crow, declaring that it was day. Whereupon I awaked and, being greatly afraid, ran to the dead body with the lamp in my hand and viewed him round about. Immediately the matron came in weeping, with her witnesses, and ran to the corpse and, repeatedly kissing him, turned his body and found no part diminished. Then she told Philodespotus, her steward, to pay me my wages immediately. When he had done this, he said, ‘We thank you, gentle young man, for your pains and indeed for your diligence: hereafter we will account you as one of the family.’ To this I (being joyous of my unhoped gain, and rattling my money in my hand) answered, ‘I pray you, madam, esteem me as one of your servants, and if you want my service at any time, I am at your command.’ I had not fully declared these words, when behold, all the servants of the house were assembled with weapons to drive me away, one buffeted me about the face, another about the shoulders, some struck me in the sides, some kicked me, and some tore my garments, and so I was handled amongst them and driven from the house, as the proud young man Adonis who was torn by a boar.

[27] “And when I had come into the next street, I mused with my self, and remembered my unwise and unadvised words which I had spoken. Thus I considered that I had deserved much more punishment, and that I was worthily beaten for my folly. And by and by the corpse came forth, which because it was the body of one of the chief of the city, was carried in funeral pomp round about the market place, according to the custom of the country there. And immediately an old man came forth weeping and lamenting, and ran to the bier and embraced it, and with deep sighs and sobs cried out in this sort, ‘O master, I pray you by the faith which you profess, and by the duty that you owe to the common good, take pity and mercy upon this dead corpse, who was miserably murdered, and do vengeance on this wicked and cursed woman, his wife, who has committed this deed. For it is she and no other who has poisoned her husband, my sister’s son, in order to maintain her whoredom, and to get his money.’ In this way the old man complained before the face of all people. Then they (astonished at these sayings, and because the thing seemed to be true) cried out, ‘Burn her, burn her,’ and they sought stones to throw at her, and willed the boys in the street to do the same. But she, weeping in lamentably, swore by all the gods, that she was not culpable of this crime.

[28] “‘No,’ said the old man, ‘here is one sent by the providence of God to try out the matter, Zachlas an Egypptian, who is the most principal prophesier in all this country, and who was hired by me for money to bring back the soul of this man from hell, and to revive his body for a trial of this matter. And thereupon he brought forth a certain young man clothed in linen raiment, having on his feet a pair of slippers and his crown shaven. The old man kissed his hands and knees, saying, ‘O priest, have mercy, have mercy I pray the by the celestial planets, by the powers infernal, by the virtue of the natural elements, by the silences of the night, by the buildings of the swallows near to the town Coptus, by the increase of the flood of the Nile, by the secret mysteries of Memphis, and by the instruments and trumpets of the island Pharos: have mercy I say, and call again to life this dead body, and make his eyes which are closed and shut be open and see. However, we do not mean to strive against the law of death, nor do we intend to deprive the earth of his right, but in order that this deed may be known, we crave but a small time and space of life.’ Whereupon this prophet was moved, and took a certain herb and laid it three times upon the mouth of the dead, and he took another and laid it and laid it upon his breast in like sort. When he had done this he turned to the east, and made certain prayers to the sun, which caused all the people to marvel greatly, and to look for the strange miracle that would happen.

[29] “Then I pressed in amongst them near to the bier, and got upon a stone to see this mystery, and behold, soon the dead body began to receive spirit: his principal veins moved, his life came again, and he held up his head and spoke in this sort: ‘Why do you call me back again to this transitory life, I who have already tasted of the water of Lethe, and likewise have been in the deadly den of Styx? Leave off, I pray, leave off, and let me lie in quiet rest.’ When these words were uttered by the dead corpse, the prophet drew near the bier and said, ‘I charge you to tell before the face of all the people here the occasion of your death: What, do you think that I cannot by my conjurations call up the dead, and by my power torment your body?’ Then the corpse moved his head again, and made reverence to the people, and said, ‘Verily I was poisoned by the means of my wicked wife, and so thereby yielded my bed to an adulterer.’ Whereupon his wife, taking present audacity and reproving his sayings, with a cursed mind denied it. The people were bent against her sundry ways, and some thought it best that she should be buried alive with her husband. But some said that no credit ought to be given to a dead body.

[30] “This opinion was clean taken away by the words which the corpse spoke again: ‘Behold, I will give you some evident token, which never yet any other man knew, whereby you shall perceive that I declare the truth.’ And by and by he pointed towards me who stood on the stone, and said, ‘When this good guard of my body watched me diligently in the night, and the wicked witches and enchantresses came into the chamber to spoil me of my limbs, and to about their intentions had transformed themselves into the shape of beasts, and since they could in no way deceive or beguile his vigilant eyes, they cast him into so dead and sound a sleep that by their witchcraft he seemed without spirit or life. After this they called me by my name, and never stopped until the cold members of my body began by little and little and little to revive. Then he, being of more lively soul and even though he was buried in sleep, since he and I have the name, and because he did not know that they were calling me, rose up first, and as one without sense or perseverance passed through the locked door to a certain hole, where the witches cut off first his nose, and then his ears. And so that was done to him which was appointed to be done to me. And so that such their subtlety might not be perceived, they made him a like pair of ears and nose of wax. Wherefore you may see that the poor wretch, for greed of a little money, sustained loss of his members. When he had said this, I was greatly astonished, and minding to prove whether his words were true or no, put my hand to my nose, and my nose fell off, and put my hand to my ears and my ears fell off. All the people wondered greatly at this, and laughed me to scorn. But I, being stricken in a cold sweat, crept between their legs for shame and escaped away. So I, disfigured, returned home again, and covered the loss of my ears with my long hair, and glued this rag to my face to hide my shame.”

[31] As soon as Thelyphron had told his tale, those who sat at the table, replenished with wine, laughed heartily. And while they drank to one another, Byrrhena spoke to me and said, “From the first foundation of this city we have a custom to celebrate the festival day of the god Risus, and tomorrow is the feast at which I pray you to be present. In order to set out the feast more honorably, I wish with all my heart that you could find or devise some way that might be able to honor of so great a god.’ To her I answered, ‘Verily, aunt, I will do as you command me, and I would be right glad if I might invent any laughing or merry matter to please or satisfy Risus with.’ Then I rose from the table and took leave of Byrrhena and departed.

[32] And when I came into the first street my torch went out, so that only with great trouble could I get home since it was so dark and for fear of stumbling. And when I was nearly at the door, behold, I saw three men of great stature, heaving and lifting at Milo's gates to get in. And when they saw me they were not afraid, but tried with more force to break down the doors, whereby they gave me occasion to think that they were strong thieves. Whereupon I by and by drew out my sword, which I carried for that purpose under my cloak, and ran in amongst them, and wounded them such that they fell down dead before my face. Thus when I had slain them all, I knocked sweating and breathing at the door till Fotis let me in. And then, full weary with the slaughter of those thieves, like Hercules when he fought against the king Geryon, I went to my chamber and went to sleep.