Apuleius, The Golden Ass Book III

[1] When morning came, and I was awaked from sleep, my heart burned sorely with the memory of the murder that I had committed the night before. I rose and sat down on the side of the bed with my legs across and, wringing my hands, I wept in most miserable fashion. For I imagined that I was brought before the judge in the judgment place, and that he awarded sentence against me, and that the hangman was ready to lead me to the gallows. And further I imagined and said to myself, “Alas what judge is there who is so gentle or benign that will think that I am not guilty of the slaughter and murder of these three men. However, the Assyrian Diophanes firmly assured me that my peregrination and voyage here should be prosperous.” But while I did thus unfold my sorrows and greatly bewail my fortune, behold I heard a great noise and cry at the door.

[2] In came the magistrates and officers, who commanded two sergeants to bind and lead me to prison. I was willingly obedient and, as they led me through the street, all the city gathered together and followed me, and although I looked always at the ground for very shame, yet sometimes I cast my head aside, and marveled greatly that among so many thousands of people there was not one who did not laugh exceedingly. Finally, when they had brought me through all the streets of the city, like those that go in procession and make sacrifice to mitigate the ire of the gods, they placed me in the judgment hall before the seat of the judges. And after the crier had commanded all men to keep silence, the people desired the judges to give sentence in the great theater, because of the great multitude there who were in danger of stifling. And behold, the crowd of people increased still, some climbed to the top of the house, some got upon the beams, some upon the images, and some thrust their heads through the windows, little regarding the dangers they were in, so they might see me. Then the officers brought me forth openly into the middle of the hall so that every man might behold me.

[3] And after the crier had made a noise, and ordered all those who could bring any evidence against me should come forth, there stepped forth an old man who desired to have liberty to speak for the length of time that the water-clock allowed. When this was granted, he began an oration of this sort.

“O most reverend and just judges, the thing that I purpose to declare to you is no small matter, but concerns the condition and tranquility of this whole city, and the punishment for it may be a very good example to others. Wherefore I pray you, most venerable Fathers, to whom and to all of whom it pertains, to provide for the dignity and safety of society, such that you in no way allow this wicked murderer, soaked in the blood of so many murdered citizens, to escape unpunished. And don’t think that I am moved by envy or hatred, but by reason of my office, in that I am captain of the night watch, and because no man alive should accuse me to be remiss in my duty I will declare all the whole matter as it was done last night.

“This night past, when, at our accustomed hour, I diligently searched every part of the city, behold, I happened to discern this cruel young man drawing out his sword against three citizens and, after a long combat had been fought between them, he murdered one after another miserably. When he had done this, moved in his conscience at so great a crime, he ran away and, aided by darkness, slipped into a house, and there lay hidden all night. But by the providence of the gods, which suffers no heinous offence to pass unpunished, he was taken by us this morning before he escaped any further, and so was brought here to your honorable presence to receive his desert accordingly.

“So you have here a guilty person, a culpable homicide, and an accused stranger. Wherefore pronounce judgment against this man, being an alien, just as you would most severely and sharply revenge such an offence found in a known citizen.”

[4] In this sort the cruel accuser finished and ended his terrible tale. Then the crier commanded me to speak, if I had any thing to say for my self. But I could in no way utter any word at all because of my weeping. And on the other side I did not esteem so much his rigorous accusation, as I considered my own miserable conscience. However, being inspired by divine audacity, at length I began to speak: “Verily I know that it is a hard thing for him who is accused of having slain three persons to persuade you that he is innocent. Although he may declare the whole truth, and relate how the matter indeed happened, if your honors will vouchsafe to give me audience, I will show you that if I am condemned to die, I have not deserved it as my own desert, but I was moved by fortune and reasonable cause to do that deed.

[5] “For returning somewhat late from supper last night (being well tippled with wine, a thing which I will not deny) and approaching near to my common lodging, which was in the house of one Milo a citizen of this city, I happened to discern three great thieves attempting to break down his walls and gates, and to open the locks to enter in. And when they had removed the doors off the hooks, they consulted amongst themselves as to how they would handle those they found in the house. And one of them, being of more courage and of greater stature than the rest, spoke to his fellows and said, ‘Bah, you are but boys; take men’s hearts to you, and let us enter into every part of the house, and let us kill those we find asleep, so that we shall escape without danger.’ Verily, judges, I confess that I drew out my sword against those three citizens, but I thought it was the duty of one who bears good will to this city so to do, especially since they put me in great fear, and tried to rob and spoil my friend Milo. But since those cruel and terrible men would in no case run away, nor fear my naked sword, but boldly resisted me, I ran upon them and fought valiantly.

[6] “One of them who was the captain attacked me vigorously, and drew me by the hair with both his hands, and began to beat me with a great stone. But in the end I proved the hardier man and threw him down at my feet and killed him. I took likewise the second, who grabbed my legs and bit me, and slew him also. And the third came running violently against me and, after I had stricken him under the stomach, he fell down dead. Thus when I had delivered myself, the house, my host, and all his family from this present danger, I thought that I should not only escape unpunished, but also have some great reward from the city for my trouble.

“Moreover, I, who have always been clear and unstained by crime and have esteemed my innocence above all the treasure of the world, can find no reasonable cause why, upon my accusation, I should be condemned to die. This is because, in the first place, I was moved to set upon the thieves by just cause. Secondly, because there is no one that can affirm that there has been at any time either grudge or hatred between us. Thirdly, we were mere strangers and of no acquaintance. Last of all, no man can prove that I committed that deed for greed or gain.”

[7] When I had ended my words in this way, behold, I wept again piteously and, holding up my hands, I prayed all the people by the mercy of the state and for the love of my poor infants and children, to show me some pity and favor. And when their hearts had somewhat relented and they were moved by my lamentable tears, I called all the gods to witness that I was not guilty of the crime, and so I committed my present condition to their divine providence. But, turning myself again, I perceived that all the people laughed exceedingly, and especially my good friend and host Milo. “Where is remorse of conscience? Behold, I am condemned to die as a murderer, for the safeguard of my host Milo and his family. Yet is he not contented with that, but likewise laughs me scornfully when he should comfort and help me.”

[8] When this was done, out came a woman weeping in the middle of the theater arrayed in mourning vesture and bearing a child in her arms. And after her came an old woman in ragged robes, crying and howling likewise. And they brought with them the olive boughs with which the three slain bodies were covered on the bier, and cried out in this manner: “O right judges, we pray you by your justice and humanity have mercy upon these slain persons, and succor our widowhood and loss of our dear husbands, and especially this poor infant, who is now an orphan, and deprived of all good fortune. Execute your justice by order and law upon the blood of this thief, who is the cause of all our sorrows.” When they had spoken these words, one of the most ancient judges rose and said, “Concerning this murder, which deserves great punishment, this malefactor himself cannot deny, but our duty is to enquire and try out whether he had any companions to help him. For it is not likely that one man alone could kill three such great and valiant persons. Wherefore the truth must be tried out by the rack, and so we shall learn what other companions he has, and root out the nest of these mischievous murderers.”

[9] And there was no long delay and, according to the custom of Greece, the fire, the wheel, and many other torments were brought in. Then my sorrow increased or rather doubled since I would not end my life with whole and undamaged members. And by and by the old woman, who troubled all the court with her howling, asked the judges that, before I should be tormented on the rack, I might uncover the bodies of those I had slain, so that every man might see their comely shape and youthful beauty, and so that I might receive deserved and worthy punishment according to the quality of my offence. And thereupon she made a sign of joy. Then the judge commanded me immediately to uncover the bodies of the slain who were lying upon the bier with my own hands. But when I refused, since I did not want to make my deed apparent to the eyes of men, the sergeants charged me by command of the judges and thrust me forward to do it. I, then being forced by necessity, though it was against my will, uncovered their bodies. But O good Lord, what a strange sight I saw, what a marvel! What sudden change of all my sorrows! It seemed as though I belonged to the house of Proserpina and to the family of death since I could not sufficiently express the form of this new sight, to such an extent I was amazed and astonished by it. For the bodies of the three slain men were not bodies at all, but three blown bladders mangled in diverse places, and they seemed to be wounded in those parts which I remembered I wounded the thieves in the night before.

[10] At this the people laughed exceedingly. Some rejoiced marvelously at seeing this, some held their stomachs that were aching with mirth, but every man delighted at this joke, and so left the theater. But I from the time that I uncovered the bodies stood still, as cold as ice, not any differently than the other statues and images there. Neither did I come into my right senses until such time as Milo my host came and took me by the hand, and with civil violence led me away weeping and sobbing, whether I would go or not. And so I might not be seen, he brought me through many blind ways and lanes to his house, where he went about comforting me, since I was sad and still fearful, with gentle talk. But he could in no way mitigate the injury which I conceived within my mind.

[11] And behold, by and by the magistrates and judges with their ensigns entered into the house, and tried to pacify me by saying, “O Lucius, we know of your dignity, and know the genealogy of your ancient lineage, for the nobility of your kin possesses the greatest part of all this province. And do not think that you have suffered something to cry about, something that causes you reproach and ignominy. But put all care and sorrow out of your mind. For this day, which we celebrate once a year in honor of the god Risus, is always renowned for some solemn joke, and the god continually accompanies butt of the joke, and will not suffer him to be sorrowful, but pleasantly to bear a joyful face. And truly all the city intends to reward you with great honors, and to make you a patron for the grace that is in you. And further, that your statue or image may be set up for a perpetual remembrance.” To them I answered, “As for such benefits as I have received from the famous city of Thessaly, I yield and render great thanks. But regarding the setting up of any statues or images, I would wish that they should be reserved for my ancestors, and those who are more worthy than me.”

[12] And when I had spoken these words somewhat gravely, and showed my self more merry than I was before, the judges and magistrates departed, and I reverently took my leave of them, and bid them farewell. And behold, by and by there came a man running to me in haste who said, “Sir, your Aunt Byrrhena desires you, according to your promise last night, to come to supper, for it is ready.” But I, greatly fearing to go again to her house at night, said to the messenger, “My friend, I pray you tell to my aunt, your mistress, that I would willingly be at her commandif it didn’t cause me to break my promise and credit. For my host Milo has forced me to assure him, and compelled me by the feast of this present day, that I should not depart from his company. Wherefore I pray you to excuse me, and to defer my promise to another time.”

And while I was speaking these words, Milo took me by the hand and led me towards the baths. But on the way I hid behind him to conceal myself from the sight of men, because I had become such an occasion for laughter. And I did not remember having washed and wiped my self or having returned home again, so greatly abashed I was at the nodding and pointing of every person.

[13] Then I went to supper with Milo, where God knows we fared but meanly. Wherefore, feigning that my head ached by reason of my sobbing and weeping all the day, I asked leave to depart to my chamber, and so I went to bed. While I was a bed, I began to call to mind all the sorrows and grief that I suffered the day before, until such time as my love Fotis, having brought her mistress to sleep, came into the chamber. She did not appear as usual, for she seemed pleasant neither in countenance nor talk, but with sorrowful face and frowning look, she began to speak in this way: “Verily I confess that I have been the occasion of all your trouble this day.” And thereupon she pulled a whip from under her apron, and gave it to me saying, “Revenge yourself on me, mischievous harlot, or rather slay me. And don’t think that I did willingly procured this anguish and sorrow for you: I call the gods to witness. For I would rather my own body had perished, than that you should receive or sustain any harm because of me. But what I did was by the command of another, and devised, as I thought, for some other. But behold, the unlucky chance happened on you by my evil occasion.”

[14] Then I, very curious and desirous to know the matter, answered, “Truly, this most pestilent and evil-favored whip (that you have brought for me to scourge you), shall first be broken in a thousand pieces before touches or hurts your delicate and dainty skin. But I pray you, tell me how you were the cause of my trouble and sorrow? For I swear by the love that I bear to you that I will not be persuaded, even if you yourself should try to do so, that you ever tried to trouble or harm me. Perhaps sometimes you imagined an evil thought in your mind, which afterwards you revoked, but that is not to be deemed as a crime.” When I had spoken these words, I kissed my Fotis’ eyes which were wet with tears and well nigh closed up with desire for pleasure.

[15] And when she was somewhat restored to happiness, she asked me that she first shut the chamber door, lest by the intemperance of her tongue in uttering any unfitting words, further trouble might arise. Wherefore she barred and propped the door and came to me again, and embracing me lovingly about the neck with both her arms, spoke with a soft voice and said, “I greatly fear to uncover the secrets of this house, and to utter the secret mysteries of my mistress. But I have such a confidence in you and in your wisdom, because you come from so noble a family and are endowed with so profound knowledge and, further, are instructed in so many holy and divine matters, that you will faithfully keep silence, and that whatever I shall reveal or declare to you, you will close them in the bottom of your heart, and never uncover them. For I ensure you that the love that I bear to you compels me to utter it. Now you shall know all the conditions of our house, now you shall know the hidden secrets of my mistress, whom the powers of hell obey, and by whom the celestial planets are troubled, the gods made weak, and the elements subdued. Neither is the violence of her art more strong and forceful than when she sees some comely young man that pleases her fancy, as often happens.

[16] “For now she loves a Boeotian youth, a fair and beautiful person, on whom she employs all her sorcery and enchantment. I heard her say with my own ears last night that, if the sun had not then presently gone down and the night come to provide a convenient time to work her magical enticements, she would have brought perpetual darkness over all the world herself. And you shall know that when last night she saw this Boeotian sitting at the barber’s (as she came from the baths), she secretly commanded me to gather some of his hair that lay dispersed upon the ground and to bring it home. I thought I had done this, but the barber saw me and, since it was rumored throughout the city that we were witches and enchantresses, he cried out and said, “Will you never leave off stealing young men’s hairs? Indeed I assure you, unless you cease your wicked sorceries, I will complain to the justices. Whereupon he came angrily towards me, and pulled out from between my breasts the hair that I had gathered. This grieved me very much, for I knew my mistress’ manners, and that she would not be contented but beat me cruelly. Wherefore I intended to run away, but the memory of you put always that thought out of my mind.

[17] “And so I came home very sorrowful. But so that I would not seem to come to my mistress’ sight with empty hands, when I saw a man shearing blown goat skins, and since the hair which he had shorn off was yellow and much resembled the hair of the Boeotian, I took a good deal of it and, dissembling the matter, brought it to my mistress. And so when night came, before your return from supper, she, to bring her intentions to pass, went up to a high gallery of the house that opens to the east part of the world and, preparing her self according to her accustomed practice, she gathered together all substance for fumigations. She brought forth plates of metal carved with strange characters, she prepared the bones of those who had been drowned by tempests at sea, she made ready the members of dead men (such as the nostrils and fingers), she set out the lumps of flesh of those who had been hanged, the blood which she had kept of those who had been slain, and the jaw bones and teeth of wild beasts.

[18] “Then she spoke certain charms over the hair, and dipped it in diverse waters, as in well water, cow milk, mountain honey, and other liquids. When she had done this, she tied it up together and with many perfumes and smells threw it into a hot fire to burn. Then, by the great force of this sorcery and the power of so many confections, those bodies whose hair was burning in the fire received humane shape, and came and rapped at our doors instead of the Boeotian youth. Then you, being well tippled and deceived by the obscurity of the night, drew out your sword courageously, like furious Ajax, and killed whole herds of beasts as he did, but three blown skins, so that I, after the slaughter of so many enemies, without effusion of blood might embrace and kiss not an homicide, but an utricide.”

[19] Thus when I was pleasantly mocked and taunted by Fotis, I said to her, “Verily now may I, for this great deed, be numbered as Hercules who by his valiant prowess performed the twelve notable Labors, like Geryon with three bodies, and like Cerberus with three heads. For I have slain three blown goatskins. But so that I may pardon you for what you have done, the thing which I shall most earnestly desire of you is that you bring me to see and behold when your mistress goes about any sorcery or enchantment, and when she prays to the gods. For I am very desirous to learn that art and, as it seems to me, you yourself have some experience in it too. For this I know and plainly feel: that whereas I have always loathed the embraces and love of matrons, I am so stricken and subdued with your shining eyes, ruddy cheeks, glittering hair, sweet thighs, and lily white breasts that I neither have mind to go home, nor to depart hence, but esteem the pleasure which I shall have with the this night above all the joys of the world.”

[20] “Then,” she said, “O my Lucius, how willing I would be to fulfill your desire, but because she is so hated, she takes herself into solitary places and out of the presence of every person, when she intends to work her enchantments. However, I think it more important for me more to gratify your request than to fear danger to my life. And when I see an opportunity I will assuredly bring you word, so that you shall see all her enchantments. But always remember this condition, that you keep secret all such things that are done.” Thus as we reasoned together the power of Venus assailed our desires and our bodies, and so Fotis unclothed herself and came to bed, and we passed the night raging with desire. When I grew tired of her feminine charms she offered me the “boy’s gift.” Then drowsy and sleep constrained us until the day had well begun.

[21] One day Fotis came running to me in great fear and said that her mistress, in order to work her sorceries on one whom she loved, intended the following night to transform herself into a bird and to fly wherever she pleased. Wherefore she urged me secretly to prepare myself to see this. And when midnight came she led me softly into a high chamber, and bid me look through the chink of the door. First I saw that she took of all her garments, and took out of a certain coffer many kinds of box, of the which she opened one and took the ointment contained inside on her fingers and rubbed her body with it from the sole of the foot to the crown of the head. And when she had spoken secretly with her self, having the candle in her hand, she shook the parts of her body, and behold, I perceived a plume of feathers growing. Her nose grew crooked and hard, her nails turned into claws, and so she became an owl. Then she cried and screeched like a bird of that kind and, willing to prove her force, moved herself from the ground by little and little till at last she flew quite away.

[22] Thus by her sorcery she transformed her body into whatever shape she wanted. When I saw this I was greatly astonished and although I was enchanted by no kind of charm, I thought that I was not myself. For I was so banished from my senses and amazed in madness, and thought I dreamed while awake, that I felt my eyes to see whether I was asleep or not. But when I came to my senses, I took Fotis by the hand and moved it to my face and said, “I pray the while occasion serves that I may obtain the fruits of my desire. Grant me some of this ointment. O Fotis, I pray to you by your sweet breasts to bring it about that, in the great flames of my love, I may be turned into a bird, so will I forever be bound to you and obedient to your command.” Then said Fotis, “Will you go and deceive me now, and force me to work my own sorrow? Do you have in mind not to stay in Thessaly? If you become a bird, where shall I seek you, and when shall I see you?”

[23] Then I answered, “God forbid that I should commit such a crime. For though I could fly in the air as an eagle, or though I were the messenger of Jupiter, yet I would have recourse to nest with you. I swear by the knot of your amiable hair that, since the time I first loved you, I never fancied any other person. Moreover it comes to my mind that, if by virtue of the ointment I shall become an owl, I will take heed that I come near to no man’s house: for how merrily these matrons would handle their lovers, if they knew that they were transformed into owls. Moreover, when they are caught anywhere, they are nailed to posts, and so they are worthily rewarded, because it is thought that they bring evil fortune on the house. But I pray you (which I had almost forgotten), tell me by what means, when I am an owl, I shall return to my original shape and become Lucius again.” “Fear not,” she said, “for my mistress has taught me the way to bring that to pass. And don’t think that she did it for any good will and favor, but only so that I might help her, and minister the remedy when she returns home. Consider, I pray you, with what frivolous trifles so marvelous a thing is wrought. By Hercules, I swear I give her nothing else but a little dill and laurel leaves in well water, which she drinks and washes her self with.”

[24] When she had spoken this, she went into the chamber and took a box out of the coffer, which I first kissed and embraced, and prayed that I might have good success in my purpose. And then I took off all my garments, and greedily thrust my hand into the box, and took out a good deal of ointment and rubbed myself with it. After I had well rubbed every part and member of my body, I hovered with my arms, and moved myself like a bird. But behold, neither feathers nor appearance of feathers appeared, but verily my hair turned rugged, and my tender skin grew tough and hard, my fingers and toes losing the number of five and were changed into hooves, and out of my rear grew a great tail. Now my face became monstrous, my nostrils wide, my lips hanging down, and my ears rugged with hair. Neither could I see any comfort of my transformation, for my members increased and I could not hold Fotis.

[25] And so helpless (viewing every part of my poor body) I perceived that I was no bird, but a plain ass. Then I thought to blame Fotis, but being deprived of language as well as human shape, I looked upon her with my hanging lips and watery eyes. She, as soon as she saw me in such state, cried out, “Alas poor wretch that I am, I am utterly lost. My fear and haste, and the similarity of the boxes, have deceived me. But it’s alright, since an easier antidote may be obtained for this than for any other thing. For if you can get a rose and eat it, you will be delivered from the shape of an ass, and become my Lucius again. I wish I had gathered some garlands this evening past, as is my custom, then you would not continue being an ass one for even a single night. But in the morning I will seek some remedy.”

[26] Thus Fotis lamented pitifully. Although I was now a perfect ass and, instead of Lucius, a brute beast, I nevertheless retained the sense and understanding of a man. And I devised a good deal with myself, whether it was best for me to attack this mischievous and wicked harlot with my mouth, or to kick and kill her with my heels. But a better thought turned me from so rash a purpose. For I feared lest by the death of Fotis I should be deprived of all remedy and help. Then, shaking my head and dissembling my ire and taking my adversity in good part, I went into the stable to my own horse. There I found another ass of Milo’s, my sometime host, and I truly thought that my own horse (if there were any natural conscience or knowledge in brute beasts) would take pity upon me and proffer me lodging for that night. But it happened quite otherwise. For my horse and the ass agreed, as it were, to work my harm and, fearing lest I should eat up their provender, would not allow me to come near the manger, but kicked me with their heels from their food, which I my self gave them the night before.

[27] Then I, being thus handled by them and driven away, went into a corner of the stable where I remembered their lack of courtesy and how tomorrow I would return to being Lucius by the help of a rose: then I would take revenge on my horse. I happened to see in the middle of a pillar that held up the rafters of the stable the image of the goddess Epona, which was garnished and decked round about with fair and fresh roses. Then, in hope of a quick remedy, I leaped up with my fore feet as high as I could and stretched out my neck, with my lips coveting to snatch some roses. But I went about this at a bad time, for behold, the boy to whom I gave charge of my horse came presently in and, finding me climbing upon the pillar, ran towards me fretting and said, “How long shall we suffer this wild ass, who not only eats up his fellows’ food, but also would spoil the images of the gods? Why do not I kill this lame thief and weak wretch?” And thereupon, looking about for some cudgel, he saw a pile of wood and, choosing out a crabbed truncheon, the biggest he could find. He did not stop beating of me, poor wretch, until he heard a great noise and rumbling. Then the doors of the house burst open and the neighbors shouted that there thieve about. Terrified by these developments he ran away.

[28] Soon a troupe of thieves entered and surrounded every part of the house with weapons. And as men attempted to aid and help those who were within the doors, the thieves resisted and kept them back, for every man was armed with a sword and buckler in his hand. The glimmer of their arms yielded such light as if it had been day. Then they broke open a great chest with double locks and bolts in which all Milo’s treasure was laid, and they ransacked it. When they had done this, they packed everything up and gave everyone a portion to carry. But when they saw they had more than they could carry, and since they were loath to leave any behind, they came into the stable and took us two poor asses and my horse, and loaded us with greater trusses than we were able to bear. And when we were out of the house they followed us with great staves, and ordered one of their company to tarry behind, and bring them tidings what was done concerning the robbery. And so they beat us forward over great hills out of the way.

[29] But I, what with my heavy burden and long journey, seemed hardly different from a dead ass. Wherefore I determined to seek some civil remedy and, by invocation of the name of the emperor, to be delivered from my miseries. And so at one point, as I passed through a great fair, I came among a multitude of Greeks and I decided to call upon the renowned name of the emperor and say, “O Caesar!” I cried out aloud, “O,” but “Caesar” I could not pronounce. The thieves, little regarding my crying, beat my wretched skin in such a way that afterward it was not apt even to make sieves. However at last Jupiter administered to me an unforeseen remedy. For when we had passed through many towns and villages, I happened to discern a pleasant garden in which, beside many other flowers of delectable hues, were new and fresh roses. Being very joyful and desirous to catch some as I passed by, I drew nearer and nearer. And while my lips watered upon them, I thought of a better and more profitable plan: I thought that if from an ass I should become a man, I might fall into the hands of the thieves, and either by suspicion that I was some witch, or for fear that I should reveal their theft, I would be slain. Wherefore I abstained that time from eating roses and, enduring my present adversity, I ate hay as other asses do.